祈求和感謝 2005年7月

2000年2月，經朋友介紹，我到香港中信，與當時的總幹事馮文娜妹妹見面。她說：「泰國及塞班島兩個工場現均需工人。前者藉教中文傳福音，當地用泰文。後者向中國勞工傳福音，當地用英文。」我覺得到塞班島會較易適應。要再學一種新的語言，對五十多歲的我來說幾乎是不可能的。我曾在上海進修四年，但仍不懂上海話。我說的普通話帶著廣東腔。沒有語言恩賜的我，能做跨文化的宣教士嗎？真令人懷疑。

除了語言的障礙，健康也是一個問題。我曾全身麻醉過五次，做過兩次大手術及一次小手術；家族還有心血管病的歷史，父親死於中風，兩位兄長也曾中風，一位已離世，一位也臥床多年。於2000年我問一位認識多年的醫生朋友，我能否到異國事奉。他說：「長的不敢說，四年還可以。」真的可以嗎？我不是很有信心。除了健康外，本人的個性也是一個需要考慮的因素。我是一個性急的人，並且不善於交際應酬，人際關係不夠溫柔，作事硬直...

幽默的上帝，把這個小信的人，在2001年帶到泰北學習功課，「在人不能，在神凡事都能。」以下是踏入工場後的點滴：

2001年10月開始在泰北伯特利聖道學院任教，除晨更(早上六時至七時)及輪流與不同班級的學生們分享當日經文外，主要的任務是教音樂科。

2002年初，適逢學院四十週年及新校舍奉獻禮，我指揮剛訓練了三個多月的中文部獻詩兩首。蒙神祝祐，甚至有牧者聽了流淚。事後泰文部的主任問我可否也教泰文部合唱。同年5月，我這個只學過兩個月泰文會話，連泰文字母也不大懂的新丁，竟然用身體語言來教泰文部合唱。

2002年12月12日是學院第一次的音樂祭，主題是「竭盡所能、獻至高神」。我這初生之犢不怕虎，大膽嘗試不單訓練中文部及泰文部，還把兩部組成聯合詩班用英文獻唱。萬事起頭難，令人灰心的事很多；遭一些人誤會及攻擊也在所難免。但感謝主，音樂祭那晚，出席人數不是小貓三兩隻，而是出人意外地要加椅子。《世界日報》其後報導：「... 大開了泰北人的眼界 ... 全體齊頌天國，榮歸神名...最後唱出『哈利路亞大合唱』，氣勢磅礡雄偉。獻出人類對至高之神、創世之主熱情澎湃的回應和感恩。」看見主耶穌得榮耀，來賓受感動，也仿彿看見主的微笑，一切血汗沒有白流，我真是滿心感恩。

2003年12月19日是第二次的音樂祭。因各種原因，人數不及去年，但也有不少人。我們學院沒有鋼琴伴奏，去年有一位姐妹從曼谷來幫助；這次則有一對剛從美國來的夫婦，妻子給我們伴奏，丈夫還購買即場錄音帶送給參與的75位學生作聖誕禮物。有些學生高興得跳了起來。

2004年3月5日是學院第一次(對內)鋼琴畢業音樂會。這裏的鋼琴水平十分低，但我覺得這兩位鋼琴畢業生，應把四年所學加以應用，以備將來事奉。演出前很多事不理想，她們也想隨便了事。但神奇妙的安排，使演出既莊重又和諧，既輕鬆又愉快。兩位畢業生各獲贈一大束玫瑰花，她們面上喜悅之情表露無遺。低班同學也蠢蠢欲動，夢想著他們將來的畢業音樂會。

2004年4月27至30日，適值泰北清邁舉行第四屆全球華人浸信會宣教大會，我們的學生要負責三晚獻詩，大合唱原有70人，但因泰緬邊境的學生不能過省，所以一些唱得好的都不能參與，能獻唱的只有32人。學校三月中放暑假，學生各奔東西。在規定排練的時間，學生不是遲到，便是不見蹤影，亦有一些因病缺席。在這重要的時刻，只能仰望主了。大會進行期間，學生一早便要擔任義務服務員，直至夜深才可休息。看見一些學生眼睛紅紅，喉嚨不大舒服，真擔心他們會病倒。

第一晚，大會主席說學生的歌聲，把他提上三重天。第二晚我們獻唱兩首英文歌，隔天很多嘉賓跟學生說英文，但其實學生根本不懂英語，他們能唱英文詩，全是上帝的幫助。第三晚女聲三重唱，其中一位臨時參加訓練的，承受的重荷使她胃痛及流淚。我有點擔心。感謝主，她們唱得很順利，神真的托住她們。最後學生們不看譜唱亨德爾的《哈利路亞大合唱》，會眾站起來，學生唱得比平時好，聲量不像只有28人。感謝主，讓我們經歷到祂的恩典在軟弱人身上顯得完全。

2004年12月10日，第三次「竭盡所能、獻至高神」音樂祭順利完成。禮堂全滿，還要加椅子。學院位於農田之間，沒人是走路來的。我所事奉那小村的人，在寒風中等了一個多小時才找到車送他們來。更有從清邁省(車程要四小時)及碧瑤省(車程一個半小時)來的客人。我認識他們，但想不到他們老遠跑來，給我很大的鼓舞。

這次音樂祭的內容比去年增加一些，也就是說，出錯的機會也可能增多。如這段時間很多同學患感冒、咳嗽；混聲四重唱其中一位男高音，父親過世要回家奔喪，聚會前一天才回來；鋼琴伴奏於赴會途中發生輕微交通意外，延遲了半小時才到達。感謝主，晚會準時開始，節目按秩序表所列進行。這不是人努力可做成的，完全是神的祝祐。

金三角記者吳彼得先生報導：「聖樂裡充滿祝福和平安，把會眾漸漸地帶入一種怡然脫俗似天堂降臨的勝境... 這是一個多麼安寧、和平、可愛的寶貴時刻...臺上右側搭了一個小小草棚，「聖嬰」臥於馬槽中，旁邊是兩位學生裝扮成的約瑟和馬利亞。這一背景把音樂祭的主題，一下子極其鮮明地呈獻於會眾，就是關乎道成肉身來到世間的救主耶穌基督。連續三年舉辦這種盛大的聖誕音樂祭，叫神得頌讚榮耀，神的兒女也與神同樂。每次音樂會都顯然提昇了泰北人的靈性品行，也大大彰顯了神的榮耀。」

除了週日在學校的事奉，週末我到一華人小村(以前的難民村)，在一所沒有傳道人的教會事奉。這兒只有老及少的，壯年人都去曼谷或臺灣打工，人手缺乏。感謝主，在我沒有牧會經驗之下，能看到他們有一點的長進。他們開始渴慕神的話語，不識字的老太太也能背整段經文，我想主耶穌也如我那般開心。

寫這文時是2005年，我已是六十歲的人。回顧神奇妙的帶領及裝備：從香港師範學院學習教學，獲教小學和中學的經驗；在加拿大學習聖經及異文化的生活，又學習鋼琴及聲樂(加拿大皇家音樂學院的教師文憑)，並獲取音樂教育碩士，得教聖經學院及大學的經驗；在中國上海音樂學院進修四年(1984-1988)，又在東北教大學八年(1992-2000)。雖是中國人的地方，仍經歷文化衝激(殖民地教育及社會主義教育有很大的距離)。在泰國事奉至今已三年半，初時在華文部工作，在泰文部也教了三年。泰文方面，聽還可以，小學課本也可慢慢地讀，說話仍不能隨心所欲，寫則限於簡單的幾個字。但我想學習迦勒，年紀雖老邁，仍向前進發。盼望有一天，能效法我所佩服的宣教士，完全投入異文化及語言的群體中事奉。我雖小信，但看到神大能的作為後，也敢發夢了！

In February 2000, through the introduction of a friend, I went to CCM in Hong Kong and met with, Ms. Mandy Fung, their Executive Director at that time. She said to me, "Thailand and Saipan Island are two fields that need workers. The former will be to spread the gospel through teaching Chinese to the Thai locals. The latter will be to spread the gospel to Chinese labourers whose local language is English." I felt that I would personally find it easier to adapt in Saipan Island because, at age 50 plus, learning a new language seemed almost impossible for me. I recall having studied in Shanghai for four years but never managing to learn Shanghaiese, and my spoken Mandarin still carries a Cantonese accent. Not being particularly gifted in languages, there was doubt about my ability as a cross-cultural missionary.

Other than language barriers, my health was also an issue. I had undergone general anaesthesia five times, had two major surgeries, and one minor one. I had a family history of cardiovascular disease: my father and an elder brother both died from strokes, and another brother has been bed-ridden for years from a stroke. In 2000, I asked a physician friend if I would be able to serve abroad. He said, "Four years should be fine. Any longer would be hard to say." But could I really go? I lacked confidence. And I recognised that I was also an impatient person, not good at socialising, not gentle enough in interpersonal relationships, rather rigid...

Nevertheless, God has a sense of humour. In 2001, He put this "person of little faith" in northern Thailand so that she could learn her lessons. "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." The following are some reports from the field since that time.

October 2001, I started teaching at Bethel Bible College in northern Thailand. Other than "Morning Watch" (6 - 7 A.M.) and taking turns to share the day's verses with students of different grades, my main duty was to teach music.

In early 2002, after a three-month practice, I conducted the Chinese section choir to offer two hymns at the College's 40th anniversary and at the dedication ceremony of the new school building. By God's blessings, the songs brought even the pastors to tears. Afterwards, the Thai section superintendent asked whether I would also teach the Thai section choir. In May 2005, after two months of Thai conversation training, and not yet having learned all of the Thai alphabet, I used my limited language ability and body language to teach the Thai section choir.

December 12, 2002 was the College's first music offering; the theme was "Our Utmost for His Highest". I boldly trained both the Chinese and Thai sections and even joined the two choirs to sing in English. At the start, there were many difficulties, discouraging incidents, misunderstandings and attacks. Thanks to the Lord, however, that night's turnout was much greater than expected. The World Daily news reported that, '...It opened the eyes of northern Thai people...everybody praising the kingdom of heaven, to the glory of the name of God. The "Hallelujah Chorus" at the end was powerful and magnificent; it expressed man's joyful response and gratefulness to the Most High God, the Creator." When the LORD Jesus Christ is glorified and guests are inspired, it is like seeing the LORD smile. All the hard work is worth it and I am completely grateful.

December 19, 2003 was our second music offering. For various reasons, the turnout was less than the year before and we did not initially have an accompanist. The previous year, a sister came from Bangkok to help out. In 2003, however, a couple from the U.S. joined us and the wife was able to play the piano. The husband also bought tape recordings of the night as Christmas gifts for the 75 students. Some of the students leapt for joy.

March 5, 2004 was the College's first piano graduation music performance. The students' playing standards were generally quite low, but I felt that the two graduates should put into practice what they had learned in four years so that they could prepare for future service. Prior to the performance, there were still many imperfections in their playing and the graduates simply wanted to just get by. However, by God's wonderful plan, the performance was solemn, peaceful, and pleasing for everyone. The two graduates each received a large bouquet of roses and their happiness shone brightly on their faces. Other students were inspired and began to look forward to the next year's graduation night as well as the opportunity to perform at their own graduations.

From April 27 - 30, 2004, the 4th Mission Conference of the Trans-World Chinese Baptist Mission was held in Chiang Mai. Our student choir sang during the three evenings. The choir originally had 70 members, but the Thai-Burmese border students were not able to cross the province. Some of the better students could, therefore, not participate, and only 32 members sang. Summer vacation had started in mid-March with all the students going their own ways so many of them were either late or did not attend rehearsals. Others became ill and could not sing. At such a critical time, I could only rely on God. During the Conference, students took up volunteer duties from early morning until late at night. When I saw many of the students' bloodshot eyes and heard of their throat discomforts, I was concerned about their health.

On the first evening of the conference, the chairman remarked that the students' singing put him on "cloud nine". The second evening, we sang two English hymns and that following morning, many English-speaking guests began to speak with them assuming that they could also speak English. It was, though, by God's help that they could learn to sing English hymns. The third evening, we had a female trio: one of the students joined the training at the last minute and the stress gave her severe stomach aches. I was somewhat worried for her but, thanks to God's power and support, things went very smoothly. At the end, the students sang Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus" from memory. The audience came to their feet for the chorus and the students' performance was better than usual even with only 28 singers. We gratefully experienced how God's power is made perfect in our weakness.

On December 10, 2004, the 3rd "Our Utmost for His Highest" performance was a success. The hall was fully packed and extra seating had to be added. The College is situated in the midst of farmland and it cannot be reached on foot. People from the village waited for more than an hour in chilling winds for a ride. Some guests came from Chiang Mai (a 4-hour drive) and Baguio (one and a half hours away). Although I knew these guests, I did not expect them to come from so far and it gave me a lot of encouragement to see them.

That musical offering had more pieces than the year before which meant that there was greater potential for problems and errors. Some students had colds and the flu, the tenor had to go home for his father's funeral and only managed to return the day before the performance, and the pianist arrived half an hour late due to a minor car accident on the way. With thanks to God, the program started on time and everything was on schedule. It was not an accomplishment of mere people but the work of God's blessings.

A journalist of the Golden Triangle reported, "On December 10, 2004, Bethel Bible College of Chiang Rai held a grand music offering. The hymns were filled with blessings and peace, guiding the audience to a heavenly state of peace and joy. The stage was decorated with a background of sparkling stars. The purpose of the music offering was written clearly in Chinese, English, and Thai: "Our Utmost for His Highest". To the right of the stage was a little stable where the Holy Child lay; two students playing Joseph and Mary stood by the side. The scenery illustrated clearly the theme of the music offering: that Jesus Christ came to this world as our Saviour. Holding such a wonderful Christmas music offering three years in a row brings praise and glory to God, and the children of God rejoice with Him. Each music offering elevates the spirit of the northern Thai people and displays God's glory."

Other than serving at the College during the week, on the weekends I also serve at a church in a small Chinese village (formerly a refugee village) where there is no pastor. This village is inhabited only by elderly people and children as the adults have left for work in Bangkok or Taiwan. Thanks to God, though I do not have pastoring experience, I have seen some spiritual growth in the village people. They are starting to thirst for the Word of God. Illiterate elderly women can now recite whole passages of verses. I believe that Jesus is as joyful as me to witness that.

As of the writing of this article, I am 60 years old. I look back and see God's wonderful guidance and training: going through teaching training in Hong Kong, gaining teaching experience in primary and secondary schools, studying the Bible and multi-cultural living in Canada, training in piano and music theory (Canadian Royal Music Academy teaching diploma), receiving a Masters degree in music education, gaining teaching experience at Bible college and university, completing postgraduate studies in the Shanghai Conservatory of Music (1984 - 1988), university teaching in the north east of China (1992 - 2000), and now having served in Thailand for three and a half years, initially in the Chinese section, then in the Thai section for three years.

Currently, my Thai language level is marginal, my listening is manageable, my reading is at an elementary school level and slow, my conversation is limited, and my writing consists of only a few simple words. However, I want to be like Caleb who, even at an old age, stepped forward. I hope to one day be like those missionaries I admired, wholly devoted to serving amongst people of different cultures and languages. I am a person of little faith, but in seeing the power and work of God, I dare to dream big!